How to Open a Swiss Bank Account

I know you're curious too! I came to Switzerland with the secret hope that I would be able to open a bank account here (just a meager one mind you) so that I could say that I owned a Swiss bank account. No such luck.

Making international ATM withdrawals blows. I get slapped with a $5 fee everytime, so naturally I thought to get around that with a local bank account. I walk into the United Bank of Switzerland (UBS) all smiles and ask to open an account. First you need an appointment, says the teller. Okay.
Then, "do you have a salaried job with the WHO?"
Me: "Umm...no. I'm an intern though."
Teller (in thick french accent): "So you don't make any salary?"
Me: "No, but what are the requirements for opening an account?"
Teller (curtly): "It's not possible. You have to have a minimum 2 month contract with the WHO or 50,000 swiss francs."
Me: "Oh, I see. Merci beaucoup. Bonne journée."

So...you can either
a. get a job with some heavy-weight international organization
b. get a lot of money.

On the UBS website it has a link about the "fight against money laundering." Whatever, that's what they're paying you for, you swissies!